Domestic Violence. Aren’t we all guilty?

Akolade Lukeman Arowolo allegedly beat his wife and the woman died. Titilayo Oyakhire was a beautiful hardworking mother. Now she’s dead. Her three year old daughter will grow up without a mother and a father.

Domestic violence in Nigeria didn’t start with this family unfortunate lady and sadly won’t end with them. But it is not only Akolade that should be tried for Titilayo’s murder but the entire Nigerian society. From the mother who insists there will be no divorce in her family to the church who constantly harps on submission to the journalist whose only question to celebrities is the date of their marriage.

It’s easy for us to all play sanctimonious now and rebuke the late Titilayo for not leaving her husband while she could. But could she really? Had she gone to her family or any of her friends, would they have taken her in?

An acquaintance of mine was being battered by her husband, one day her brother walked in on them, gave the guy the beating of his life and took his sister out but as soon as he returned to his abode in Canada, the mother took her right back, claiming there was no room for divorce in their family.

When Monalisa Chinda walked out on her marriage, the media went crazy. She was labelled names that I cannot type here. Nobody wanted to know the reason, because the reason didn’t matter, in Nigeria you are supposed to marry and stay married. Period. The name calling even extended to the friend who took her in.

I just read excerpts from a Genevieve Nnaji’s interview in Tell Magazine. You would think that with all the lady’s achievements, the interview would centre on her works, but it doesn’t, it’s the same old marriage questions.

We have made marriage more important than life, than happiness, than the fulfilment of dreams.

We’ve lost Titilayo but we don’t have to lose another woman at least not by the hands of her husband. We die from too many things already in Nigeria, accidents caused by bad roads, during childbirth due to poor hospital infrastructures, and very recently bombings and more.

Several women have been wounded, maimed, killed in marriages. We can help stop or reduce this by reducing the pressure on women to marry. It would be nice if the media were not so interested in the marital status of our celebrities, if our parents were not so eager to marry us off and hear the cries of their grandchildren, and the church, oh, the church did not make the man feel so superior and the woman the greatest sinner for not attending to his whim.

As Akolade gets charged to court, let us each charge our conscience.

MONALISA CHINDA CATWALQS WITH STYLE

In Nigeria today, women are expected to marry, never mind if they have to drag the man screaming to the altar, they are also expected to stay married, never mind if the man is beating here everyday and may soon send her to her grave. And should you decide to go against these traditional beliefs and remain single or get a divorce, then all hell will break loose. You’d think it’s a criminal offence in Nigeria to be 35 and above and still single and worse to be divorced. Our society seems to hate it when women succeed without men beside or over them as the case may be.

But in spite of this, some single women have continued to rise in their chosen careers.

From Funmi Iyanda who was recently honoured by the World Economic Forum as a 2011 Young Global Leader.

To Peace Anyiam Asigwe who runs one of the biggest African movie Awards.

To Emem Isong who is one of Nigeria’s most successful producers.

To Evelyn Oputa, the managing director of Bank of Industry, to mention but a few.

Monalisa Chinda is one of these women, having gone through a messy divorce where her ex husband granted interviews to as many press people as he could, she’s still come out with her head held high.
When asked why she didn’t respond to any her ex-husband’s allegations, she very simply replies that she has a daughter to protect and that the truth was very boldly written between the lines of his allegations, if anybody had cared enough to look.

‘Catwalq is one of the biggest things I have done professionally; it’s not a comeback as I never went anywhere in the first place. When you’re divorced or sometimes even widowed in Nigeria, people always find ways to make it the woman’s fault. You’re expected to cower in shame and fear for the rest of your life. But for God, good friends, fans and family who have been with me through all the pain and hurt, I, too, like other broken women, may never have been able to hold my head high.’

Catwalq tells the story of three ladies who run a fashion magazine. It follows their work, passions and travails. Lisa plays the role of a single mother in the movie but insists it’s not the story of her life. ‘I wasn’t even part of the story writing’ she says.

Catwalq has something for everyone, it was important to me that we didn’t leave anyone out.
Asked why she chose to invest in a soap as against a movie, she responds that the soap opera ,Heaven’s Gate brought her to fame and it was only natural to produce one, perhaps as a way of giving back to the society that had given her so much.

‘I also wanted to discover new talents to whom I can one day pass the baton. In soaps, you don’t necessarily need to use stars, the entire cast of Catwalq were newcomers to the industry.’
On her last words to the newcomers in Nollywood, she says: ‘Hard work, hard prayer, hard faith.’

Catwalq will hit TV screens in the 2nd quarter of 2011.

Enjoy some pictures from the set of Catwalq below.