I missed Toni Kan

I had planned to attend the reading for two reasons:

I like Toni Kan. I have followed his works since he was a writer for hints. He is for me, a male writer that successfully writes like a woman. And his recent book: nights of the creaking beds: that’s a very good one. My second reason was Teju Cole. While his words at NEXT follow me and I admit that he is a brilliant writer, this was that my reason for wanting to see him. My friend has a huge crush on him. So I was going to confirm if he was crush worthy. Unfortunately, Nigeria, Nupeng, Pengasson, deregulators and all those responsible for fuel scarcity had other plans. I have been unable to move about for the past three days. No fuel for car, no fuel for generator, no fuel for stomach: can it get any worse?

So I missed the reading but I hope it went well and I hope I get the chance to meet Teju somewhere else.

PART TWO

Nollywood and Repackaged films.

In my last write up, I should have added that some of Nollywod’s enemies are within.

These repackaging moving business is getting really bad. I didn’t realise how bad until I recently bought a pair; you know they come in two parts now: Eg. The wrong woman 1 and 2. Followed closely by The return of the wrong woman 1 and 2. These two movies or should I say four movies are the same. It’s unfair to say the least. Unsuspecting consumers are spending their hard earned monies buying four movies when really they are buying two or is it one. Outside Nigeria, the movies are simply being split into 4 parts but trust me, 3 and 4 are the same as 1 and 2. It’s actually quite confusing. Some old movies are being resold under different titles.

At silverbird the other day, I noticed a movie shot some years back-‘Enslaved’ had now become ‘Voices.’ It is mostly marketers that are guilty of this practice as independent producers have not sunk that low (may they never). I suppose it’s a survival tact but it’s fraudulent. They are simply scamming the unsuspecting customer. Nollywood has become tough and if a practitioner cannot no longer survive, this may be the time to bow out gracefully.

It is certainly not the time to devise devious means to cheat Nigerians. It gives the entire industry a bad name.

So if you know anyone who knows anyone who knows anyone who is into this practice, please tell them to desist. Artsville is watching!

NOLLYWOOD AND ITS MANY ENEMIES

The minister of communication; Mrs Dora Akunyili certainly tops the list of Nollywood Bashers. Every time she talks about Nigeria’s problem, she is quick to attribute it to Nollywood. All Nigeria’s image problems lies with the fact that we’re making Juju films, she couldn’t be more wrong. In the past few years, Nollywood has produced mostly love stories, I would even welcome a movie bordering on rituals just for a change. Yes we had our session of rituals. It’s the way it works; one person starts a trend, succeeds, everyone else follows till someone else breaks the trend. Hollywood is particularly guilty: They came with NEXT and PREMONITION and DÉJÀ VU etc, and then for a while, the Directors all visited Africa, LAST KING OF SCOTLAND, BLOOD DIAMONDS, CATCH A FIRE etc. Now they’ve all gone surreal: TIME TRAVELLER’S WIFE, GAMER, 2012 etc.

Mrs. Akunyili is minister of information, an extremely sensitive position, before she can inform people, she must first be informed. All she needs do is grab a few copies of Nigerian movies from Idumota or sit facing Africa Magic for a few hours and she’d know a bit about Nollywood. It’s a bit embarrassing every time she makes a statement in error. In a recent statement, she blames Nollywood for the movie District 9. She says if we had been making movies about how Nigerians contributed towards ending apartheid, then District 9 may not have been made. Is she for real? The director of District 9: Neil Blomkamp clearly stated that he believes most of the crimes perpetrated in SA are by Nigerians, he’s probably never seen a Nigerian film.

Nigeria’s infamy is from corruption and internet scam, nicknamed yahoo, yahoo. And that’s the image she’s trying to clean, where does Nollywood come into the matter? Only recently, Amnesty International just accused the Nigeria police of extra- judicial killings stating that they ‘kill at will’. Someone will probably blame Nollywood for this development.

Even if we were making juju films as claimed, is this why my green passport is scanned a thousand times by immigration officers outside the country or why the guy in the bus in Germany shifts beside me uncomfortably, clutching his bag tighter. Or why the shop attendant in Dubai immediately becomes more alert when I mention that I am Nigerian. I bet they don’t even know we have a movie industry in Nigeria, all they remember is the number of crimes that have been perpetrated by Nigerians in their country. Why then is Mrs. Akunyili bent on blaming Nollywood? Only months ago, she asked Nollywood to help her rebrand Nigeria, now she turns around to rebrand Nollywood

The minister would do well not to tongue lash the Arts for it is the Arts that has saved Nigeriá’s face and given us global recognition. It is Uwem Akpan’s book that was selected by Oprah for her book Club, Asa who has gained acceptance world wide, I personally heard her on radio Leicester, Femi who has been nominated for the grammies, Chimamanda Adichie who has won several international awards, Lancelot Imasuen who has been featured on CNN and Genevieve Nnaji who was featured on Oprah.

But it is not only the minister that hates Nollywood. There are several websites dedicated to just spew venom on Nigerian movies and particularly at more successful producers. Most members of these sites are Nigerians in the diaspora or more specifically, Nigerians in the United States. Someone summarised their problem as beef(Nigerian English for envy) We succeeded where they couldn’t. We didn’t wait for them to return home with their Harvard or nursing degrees(not sure how nursing would help develop the country), we went ahead and produced an industry out of absolutely nothing. With most of us self-taught, we wrote scripts with candles, powered equipment with generators and made movies that have left the world gaping. How did we do it? Everyone is seeing the opportunities and potentials, except these set of Nigerians. South Africa, realising that winning the Oscar(Tsotsi) is not the all and all, have decided to go Nigeria’s way by creating Jollywood which they say will compete with Nigeria’s Nollywood. Ghana’s Gollywood is also following closely behind with the full support of their Government.

I was invited to a film makers workshop in Berlin based on a Nollywood script. The participants couldn’t believe my script had been shot as a feature film, they all wait for grants, grants that may never come and their dreams will be buried with them but in true Nigerian style, we found a way out without waiting for the Western Messiahs to come lead us right.

Nollywood has given me as a writer, a platform to be heard. I am privileged to write both screenplays and literature, while I enjoy both, in writing literature, my audience is mostly Western and I am forced often to look back to be sure that they are following me as I paint my dear continent black but with Nollywood there’s a freedom to be you.

Nollywood has also contributed towards bringing back the middle class in Nigeria. An average practitioner lives comfortably, travels round the globe, most times without having to pay for tickets.

While this profession will always attract its fair share of criticism, for most of the critics, it’s not aimed at bettering the industry, it’s sheer envy and hatred, they would give their left arms to see it fail so they can continue to feel justified for some of the conditions they live under abroad. Loads of them have tried to do it ‘better’ and few if any have succeeded so far.

While some movies make you cringe, some send you reeling with laughter or with tears. I choose to celebrate those ones.

Apart from Joy Isi Bewaju’s review of Guilty Pleasures and Molara Wood’s review of Figurine, a lot of what you read online is sheer balderdash. Ini Edo’s hair didn’t match her figure or Mercy Johnson should go learn how to kiss. These for movie reviews?

I read several reviews of Clint Eastwood’s ‘Invictus’: Some by critics and some by viewers. It left me with a prayer: Lord send us some intelligent critics in Nollywood. Chikena!